Key West - The Language

Key West - The Language

Everyone knows that Key West is 90 miles north of Havana. I’m reminded every day when I leave my home, as the famous Southernmost Marker Buoy, on Whitehead and South St., is directly in my view. A lot of people express surprise when they hear it’s 160 miles from Key West to Miami. It’s a lot farther to Miami than Havana from here. The reality is, Key West is closer to Havana then it is to even Key Largo! Now, anyone going to Havana naturally expects Spanish to be spoken, as that’s the tongue of Cuba. I often hear surprise from visitors to Key West expressing dismay, when they tell me that on their way here, workers at Miami International Airport they encountered, didn’t even speak English.
Here in Key West, right in between Spanish speaking Miami and Spanish speaking Havana, we have an odd scenario. Like Miami, we have, and always had throughout history, a great influence from the island of sugarcane, tobacco, and rum, ninety miles south of us. Cubans have been coming here since the beginning. For many years prior to the American government procuring it from Spain, many Cubans just considered it a Cuban island. So, it goes without saying, you will hear Spanish spoken in Key West.
However, unlike our neighbor to the north, Miami, which has been populated over the last 50+ years by Latin Americans from every Spanish and Portuguese speaking country in the hemisphere, Key West’s immigrants are a whole different kettle of fish altogether.
We have a very large amount of people living and working in Key West, from Eastern Europe. Czechs, Russians, Poles, Hungarians, Slovaks, Ukrainians, Uzbeks, Croatians, Slovinians… the list of Slavs (Hungarians excluded, as they’re not Slavs) is amazing. Mostly they are young adults who come here to work. I had to ask “Wait a minute. You’re from Eastern Europe. How did you decide on Key West?”. The most common answer I get is that either they, or someone they know, worked on a cruise line that had Key West as a port of call. They, like so many others, fell in love with it and, in their case, came here after their contract was over and set themselves up. On the whole, they’re a great group of people.
We also have a large amount of Haitian emigrants here. Hearing their patois is common, especially in the stores in New Town.
So, here we have Native Conchs, Americans like myself, who adopted Key West as their home, Cubans who have immigrated here, or generations from their great, great grandparents who did, Bahamians, Haitians, plus all of these aforementioned Eastern Europeans who speak a myriad of tongues, though related, not conversable. How do we all communicate with each other?
It’s very simple: Everyone in Key West, no matter where they are from, speaks English.
I recall once I was walking on Palm Avenue, by the Garrison Bight Bridge and an Audi slowed down with a man hanging out the window, with only his legs still in the car. They pulled over, but never stopped as he asked me some sort of directions in Spanish. I understand a little Spanish, however his words came out as fast as a 50 caliber machine gun and I didn’t understand him. He was in his early thirties, so I answered in English, “What are you looking for?” He got a discussed look on his face and said “No Espanol???!!!” ( You don’t speak Spanish?) . He slammed the side of the car in frustration with a contorted face and swore at me in Spanish. It was my guess that I wasn’t the first person that didn’t speak Spanish that they ran into in Key West. The driver sped off, as his window hanging partner gave me the finger, while hollering that my mother was a whore in Spanish, and took a left on N. Roosevelt and roared away. It was my guess that they were trying to find their way back to Miami. I empathized with them in a way. Here they were, right in between Miami and Havana. It’s a geographic common sense that Spanish would be spoken everywhere. Additionally, it’s very first name, Cayo Hueso (Bone Key), is Spanish. So it’s kind of an odd anomaly, from a geographic stand point, that English is the language in Key West.

But, no matter where you go in Key West, no matter where they are from on the planet, everyone speaks English.

Suggestions for Visiting In Key West

SUGGESTIONS FOR VISITING IN KEY WEST

This is certainly not the end all, spoken from the oracle, by any means, just off the top of my head, at the moment. Having issued that disclaimer, these are worthy of attention, I feel. No doubt, I’ll forget a bunch, but I can always stuff them into subsequent blogs. Hope you enjoy and hope it helps!
GETTING AROUND KEY WEST:
Believe me, the very last thing you want to do in Key West in order to get around, is drive your car. Parking just flat out sucks, to begin with. If you don’t take this advice, trust me, you will agree you were a phucking idiot for having not heeded the warning.
No one would argue that Key West is one of the most beautiful towns in North America, and perhaps the world. There are more homes from the 1800’s here, than anywhere else in Florida, for instance. Additionally, there are so many historical points of interest, sometimes you don’t know where to start. With that in mind, far and away the best way to see this island is on foot. Yes. On Foot. On foot, you miss the least and when you do see something of interest, you stop. You don’t put the brakes on, slow down, and turn around and go back. You just plain stop and take it in, plain and simple. With obesity on the rise and so many of us are just a bunch of lazy blobs(myself included), walking from point A to point B is a cultural change, but trust me on this, it’s the best way. And if you’re in a rush to get everywhere you want to go, you should have gone to Los Angeles for your vacation. This is an island and it’s laid back.
If walking just plain doesn’t work for you, the next best option is by bicycle. Lots of places around town rent bikes too and the rates are quite reasonable. Ten – twelve bucks a day, is the norm. Biking is great in this town as well. I will stick my neck out and say that we’re one of the largest biking communities on a percentage basis, in both the U.S. and the Conch Republic. I can safely say that I have never had an issue parking my bike here, regardless of event, even Fantasy Fest. It’s 100% environmentally friendly and great exorcise at the same time. Welcome to the island and hop on a bike!
Electric cars are somewhat popular and they have virtually no impact on the environment here. Available in 4,6, and 8 seats, they are quiet and efficient. Like cars, parking is a pain in the ass, though perhaps a bit less, as you will be able to park electric cars in spots that cars just cannot. For instance, I’ve often seen electric cars parked on Lazy Way at Schooner Wharf and they’re not in the way at all.
Scooters are the noisiest, most polluting vehicles on the island. Smokey, noisy, two cycle engines on them, they are usually rented by groups of two or more. A lot of locals have them as well, especially those who live in Mid-Town, or New Town and have to get to work in Old Town. They provide good, economic transportation to work and back. The city of Key West also provides specific parking spaces for scooters as well. The locals ride them every day of their lives. Visitors often have never ridden one before in their lives. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a tourist wipe out on them. Believe me the tarmac in Key West is just as hard as anywhere else. Injuries will happen. Broken bones and road rash cases will be taken care of at the Key West Hospital. Serious injuries will freight you up to Miami, which have excellent hospitals for dealing with trauma. Often that little extra you didn’t expect for your vacation is the most memorable, such as a few days or weeks in Jackson Memorial Hospital in downtown Miami. It’s a beautiful facility and if you’re conscious, you can admire it as the orderly wheels you about the hospital to get various scans and tests.

CAMERAS:
Do not, I repeat DO NOT leave your motel, bed and breakfast, guest house, wherever you are staying, without a camera, EVER. There will always be loads of things and people to photograph in this town! Bring extra memory chips for your camera as well. Shoot at about 3.5 megs or so. You’re not going to print them and between 3 and 4 megs takes up a lot less room on the chip (a.k.a. =more pictures), as well as your computer when you get back home. I promise you, if you leave without a camera, you’ll be cursing yourself all day long. Likewise, all the pictures you take will be a lifetime’s worth of memories. Simple fact is; Even if you take 900 photographs, you’ll end up wishing you took 1,800. Take the camera and shoot away! And don’t worry about looking like a tourist. I’m a local and I’m always snapping pictures, wherever I go. There’s ALWAYS something new. Three months later, when work’s been trying, just grab a beer, sit back and look at all those pictures you took in Key West and I guarantee one, possibly two things will happen. A) The stress of the day will vanish. B) There’s a good chance you’ll book your next trip down!

More to come in future blogs!!!!

Pirates and Parties

It’s a funny thing. Here I am in Key West, a musician and a songwriter and my new favorite band is a troop of singing, amateur pirates. This is kind of amazing as there is so much professional music talent that lives here, not to mention the talent that is transient through here week after week. I can’t say any one is the leader of this ensemble, as they are all captains in “Captains of The Devil’s Triangle”. They hail largely from Key West, although “Caribbean Pearl” travels all the way from Key Largo, about 95 miles each way, to join in their activities. Their number last Sunday, when they performed at El Alamo, was seven. I’m assuming that Barnacle Beau is the musical director, as he’s currently the only member that plays an instrument, which is guitar. I’ve known Barnacle Beau for a couple of years and he has a fascinating history, having played professionally on the west coast of the U.S., in traveling carnivals. Beau’s a great entertainer and musician in his own right. Many tourists know him as he is also one of Key West’s street pirates. My friend Scarlet Jai, one of the members, has just purchased an Irish bodhran, which is a hand held drum and in addition, she has informed me that another member recently picked up a concertina, which they’ll add to their band. On a few songs Scarlet Jai also plays swords as a percussive instrument. It works great too!
The music they’re playing are a mix of traditional sea shanties, traditional drinking songs from Great Britain and Ireland, plus a couple of originals, in the same vain. Just the type of thing you’d expect from a band of pirates, naturally. The thing that I really love about them is that they truly have a sincere passion for what they’re doing and also, have such a great time doing it. Laughing and joking is always going on creating an atmosphere loaded in mirth. They are also very good. In the entire performances on both Thursday and Sunday, I only heard one note sung off key. Bear in mind these are amateur singers and there’s always a bunch of laughing going on as well. I’ve heard a lot more off notes by both local and visiting pros.
The crowd is always into it as well. It’s not another rock band grinding out standards, or a solo performer playing songs they grew up with. Not a country band playing another Kenny Chesney or Garth Brooks song. Not another band playing Jimmy Buffett songs, upon request. This is something different. Songs many haven’t ever heard prior, but everyone laughs their way through the gig, both the ensemble and the crowd. Seriously, how can’t you laugh your ass off with a group of pirates singing sea shanties and drinking songs in a bar? Hello. Members include Captain Barnacle Beau, Captain Scarlet Jai, Captain Wasabi, Captain Mamasabi, Captain Caribbean Pearl, Captain Sawbones Sarah, and Captain Blackheart Charlie. As I said earlier, apparently none are the leader, as they are all captains.
These guys remind the rest of us that we all should be having a great time while we play. That’s what music should be all about.

Down here in Key West we’re on a three week, non-stop party marathon The first week of all this liver exorcise was the biggest event of the year, for Key West, Fantasy Fest. 60,000 were here by Saturday’s parade. I was fortunate to be aboard the Bad George Sound Band float. Not only did we end up winning Best Band of the parade, but we also had the Wedding of Sherrie Rustay-Waltz with Gary W. Ek right in the parade in front of La Concha hotel on Duval St. Mayor Gonzo Mays presided over the event while I was best man. A lot of hooting, hollering, laughing, and profane language was the case throughout the ceremony while pandemonium reigned. You’re typical wedding down here. The event was covered by Reuters International, out of Vienna, Austria, and also Associate Press. Yahoo Canada ran the Reuters piece, while the Miami Herald ran the AP story. The Key West Citizen ran nothing. Hello.

The following week we had the Parrotheads in town. About 4000 all come and converge, meeting here annually for their event. There’s lots of music in town, all over the place, during this event. Every year they have contest and the winner is determined by who’s group donates the most to charity. For the past five years, Scott Sperber out of Southern California has been runner up. The eternal bridesmaid. This year however, Scott turned the tables and won the event! Big congrats to Scott!
This week we are seeing the Powerboat races in town. We’re talking big money at this event. So much so, that the town’s businesses consider this one of the high points of the year. Local businesses usually thrive this week. Everyone’s happy!

Meanwhile, on my front, Bobby D is in town to help me with his vast experience in the studio and also guitar. We put four of his tracks down yesterday and the day before, with another hopefully today.
That’s what I’m off to now! See ya and THANKS for reading!

All The Best From Key West!

Chris Rehm

Bartender Appretiation Day

So? Who are your favorite bartenders? This is not a competition, but rather just an appreciation for those who are behind the bar, taking care of our libations and for many, offering an open ear. This is not to pit one against the other in some kind of stupid competition. This is just a way of saying “Thanks!” and telling those who serve us that we’re grateful for their dedication to their profession, as well as to ourselves.

Obviously, I’ll be listing those here in Key West, as that is my home. Of course, it doesn’t matter where you are. List those whom you feel deserve a tip of the hat to and tell them to check it out, so it hits home for them. Perhaps you live in Kalamazoo, Michigan and you go on vacation every year to Amsterdam and go to a small bar there, where Dirk van der Voorde always remembers you and makes your vacation there, serving you Grolsch. List him! Like any of us, all of these folks enjoy being appreciated and here’s your opportunity!

List, between three and six favorite bartenders, in no particular order and the bar they work in.

Have fun!


I'll kick things off, in no particular order:

Ken - The Green Parrot, Key West

Vicky - Schooner Wharf Bar, Key West

Patrick - Captain Tony's Saloon, Key West

Jeff - The Green Parrot Key West

Jim - Gilbert's Resort, Key Largo

Bob - Schooner Wharf Bar, Key West

September! One of the Island's secrets!

One of the best kept secrets about Key West is August and September. Many say “Oh, it’s too hot in August!” While in September it’s back to school. The hottest temperature on record is 97 degrees Fahrenheit. Plain and simple, it’s hotter in New York than it is in Key West. However, because of both school and temperature perception, August and September are our slowest months. Consequently, it may be the best time to visit! I should also mention that the average year round temperature here is 78.2 degrees Fahrenheit, making it the warmest city in the United States. Key West is also the only frost free city in the U.S. as well.

Tourism being the life blood of the town, themed events are run throughout the year. September hosts the annual Poker Run, sponsored by Peterson’s Harley Davidson, in Cutler Bay, Fla., about 140 miles north of here. This is always a great event and has been a Key West tradition for just under forty years. It also brings in a lot of bikers, who in turn fill the rooms in all of the hotels, party hearty in all the restaurants and bars, and perhaps most importantly support all of the other businesses in town. Back when I was at the art gallery, we always had a fantastic week when they were in town. This week we had Robert Douglas, Michelle Dravis, and Will Parker rocking El Alamo with special guest Ken Ryan out of Nashville! Over at The Green Parrot it was Bill Blue and the Nervous Guys taking no prisoners. Singing with Bill this week was Ms. Deb Hudson, who really kicked it out! We have the annual Woman’s Fest celebration going on the week prior. There are always a lot of very happy women in this very free thinking town every September! 

Then, there’s a a bit of a dry spell until October 22 – 31, when easily the wildest party in both the United States and the Conch Republic happens with Fantasy Fest. Fantasy Fest is the ultimate expression of Key West at its wildest. Many know Fantasy Fest for its nudity, and rightly so. However, it must also be stated that Fantasy Fest is about 25-33% nudity and the rest great costumes. The folks who come for Fantasy Fest, also greatly support the community in purchases throughout the town. Most businesses flourish during the week of Fantasy Fest.

Fantasy Fest is a 10 day event actually. It always finishes on the last Sunday of October and starts with the Goombay Festival 10 days prior, on Friday. As far as Fantasy Fest goes, I’ll get further in depth as we get closer to the date. The Goombay Festival celebrates the Bahamian roots of the African American population here in Key West. It’s a small event, however one of the most interesting parties of the year is held at the Blue Heaven Restaurant (corner of Petronia and Thomas) that evening, which traditionally has a local Bahamian Junkanoo band playing on the water tower, creating a mysterious atmosphere with voodoo-style masks and limbo contests taking place. This is a must!

The Beer of the Blog today is Pacifica Clara from Mexico. It’s aquite refreshing and clean tasting beer that tastes great ice cold on a hot day. I had one at Island Dog’s Restaurant on Front St. the other day… no.. wait… I think I had three! 


See you next blog!!!!

September! One of the Island's secrets!

One of the best kept secrets about Key West is August and September. Many say “Oh, it’s too hot in August!” While in September it’s back to school. The hottest temperature on record is 97 degrees Fahrenheit. Plain and simple, it’s hotter in New York than it is in Key West. However, because of both school and temperature perception, August and September are our slowest months. Consequently, it may be the best time to visit! I should also mention that the average year round temperature here is 78.2 degrees Fahrenheit, making it the warmest city in the United States. Key West is also the only frost free city in the U.S. as well.

Tourism being the life blood of the town, themed events are run throughout the year. September hosts the annual Poker Run, sponsored by Peterson’s Harley Davidson, in Cutler Bay, Fla., about 140 miles north of here. This is always a great event and has been a Key West tradition for just under forty years. It also brings in a lot of bikers, who in turn fill the rooms in all of the hotels, party hearty in all the restaurants and bars, and perhaps most importantly support all of the other businesses in town. Back when I was at the art gallery, we always had a fantastic week when they were in town. This week we had Robert Douglas, Michelle Dravis, and Will Parker rocking El Alamo with special guest Ken Ryan out of Nashville! Over at The Green Parrot it was Bill Blue and the Nervous Guys taking no prisoners. Singing with Buill this week was Ms. Deb Hudson, who really kicked it out! We have the annual Woman’s Fest celebration going on the week prior. There are always a lot of very happy women in this very free thinking town every September! 

Then, there’s a a bit of a dry spell until October 22 – 31, when easily the wildest party in both the United States and the Conch Republic happens with Fantasy Fest. Fantasy Fest is the ultimate expression of Key West at its wildest. Many know Fantasy Fest for its nudity, and rightly so. However, it must also be stated that Fantasy Fest is about 25-33% nudity and the rest great costumes. The folks who come for Fantasy Fest, also greatly support the community in purchases throughout the town. Most businesses flourish during the week of Fantasy Fest.

Fantasy Fest is a 10 day event actually. It always finishes on the last Sunday of October and starts with the Goombay Festival 10 days prior, on Friday. As far as Fantasy Fest goes, I’ll get further in depth as we get closer to the date. The Goombay Festival celebrates the Bahamian roots of the African American population here in Key West. It’s a small event, however one of the most interesting parties of the year is held at the Blue Heaven Restaurant (corner of Petronia and Thomas) that evening, which traditionally has a local Bahamian Junkanoo band playing on the water tower, creating a mysterious atmosphere with voodoo-style masks and limbo contests taking place. This is a must!

The Beer of the Blog today is Pacifica Clara from Mexico. It’s aquite refreshing and clean tasting beer that tastes great ice cold on a hot day. I had one at Island Dog’s Restaurant on Front St. the other day… no.. wait… I think I had three! 


See you next blog!!!!

Today's Key West Citizen

I'm happy to say that my letter was published in today's Key West Citizen! Thanks guys!

I rode my bike up North Roosevelt Boulevard this afternoon and realized a couple of things, which are really common sense. The renovations ... will take about two years, according to estimates. Really? This will amount to being a two-year roadblock.

The insurrection that took place here 28 years ago was based on a roadblock as well. That ... lasted far less than two years. This construction is going to cause great hardship to the local, tourist-based economy. "Key West, the town you can't get in or out of." Just like 28 years ago, only twice as worse. ...

What are the people in City Hall thinking? ... One of the great things visitors love about our town is the history. Enter Key West today and you have a quaint, old boulevard. So now we're going to tear that up and ... create havoc, both traffic and economic, building a modern thoroughfare. Perhaps we should change our name to Southernmost Miami?

I feel the best thing to do is, if necessary, repave [it]. This should take about one to two months. This should also take place in August and September of next year, the slowest months of the year here. The seawall should be repaired where it needs to be. Don't build a whole new wall. In the places where palms have died and there are empty spaces, replace them. ... Here is a proposal that saves ... approximately 18 months' of construction and millions ... in expenses, not to mention the same in local business sacrifices. ... We retain our authentic look, which continually draws visitors here. ... I'm tempted to send City Hall my bill for $750,000 (the same as the Glynn Archer estimate) based solely on the P.T. Barnum observation of "There's a sucker born every minute." However, as it's not coming solely out of their collective pockets, but rather the citizens and taxpayers of Key West, I'll hand them the ball ... and hope they run with it. Let's just hope they pull their heads out and see the sunshine.

Chris Rehm

Key West