The South is North of Here

To begin with, a very special thanks to my friend Ellen, here in Key West, who is lending me her laptop, as my computer has picked up a virus that apparently will not allow it to log on! Ouch! To complicate matters further, the folks at the computer store here in Key West, have suggested that it is the anti virus companies themselves that are perpetrating the virus themselves in order to force people to purchase their products in order to eliminate them! Truly amazing indeed!

However, we're on word and up word, thanks to my friend Ellen! Lets hear it for Ellen!!!

A funny thing happened this evening. I was over at Blue Heaven at the bar enjoying a Key West Southernmost Wheat Beer, when a guy around the corner of the bar started asking the bartender about eating there. The Blue Heaven is renowned on the island for it's fantastic cuisine at any hour. The subject went specifically to breakfast and the bartender started going on how the Blue Heaven is always rated in the top three restaurants for breakfast on the island. At this point, one of the guys speaking to her asked, in a very pronounced Southern accent "Do they have biscuits and gravy?".

At this point I felt it appropriate to add my two cents and chime in. "Excuse me sir, but you have to understand, The South is north of here". This was right in my backyard, as I had just written a song for my album entitled "The South Is North Of Here". The song was influenced by all of the incredible songwriters from Nashville who come here every Spring and perform in venues all over Key West. Talk about a treat! All of these performers are just incredible writers, performers, and wonderful folks to boot. So many of them said however "It's so great to play in the South!!!". The point is, The Conch Republic is below The South. The poor guy at the bar looked bewildered. The bartender then chimed in "Oh he's right! you won't find that anywhere on the island. And the only place on the island that has sweet tea, is the McDonald's on the other side of the island. Oh no, this ain't The South". At this point I suggested that the South starts up in Florida City, about 130 miles north of Key West, which happens to also be the border (at The Last Chance Saloon) of the Conch Republic. At the same time, you'll find the Cuban dish "Black Beans and Rice" everywhere here.

The Conch Republic is, in addition to being "A Sovereign State of Mind" (Sir Peter Anderson, Secretary General of The Conch Republic) it is also The American Caribbean. Technically, we're above the Caribbean, however so are the Bahamas, but they fall into the distinction of being Caribbean and they're north of us, by and large.

The Keys have major cultural influences from Cuba, as the islands were once Spanish territory and Havana is only 90 miles away. The African American population in the Keys largely came here from the Bahamas years back, not the U.S. New England sea captains built homes here as their southernmost point to work from. The architecture style (and construction!) come directly from New England throughout Old Town. The Conch's were originally American ex pats who settled in the Bahamas as Tories in the American Revolution, but returned a generation or two later to the Keys. Their heritage was both north and south, at a time when there was no north or south. You were either a Revolutionary, or a Tory (a loyal subject to the King of England).

The Keys, of course has a very proud history with the South as well. In the American Civil War, Key West was a quandary. The population was sympathetic to the Confederacy, yet they were occupied though out the conflict, from day one(and well, well before), by the Union Army, based at Fort Zachery Taylor.

Today, we have this stew of Southern, Northern, Bahamian, Cuban and we're all swimming together, harmoniously I may add, in The Gulf Stream. This is the American Caribbean. It's not North, or South, East, or West. What it is, is The Conch Republic. A "Sovereign State Of Mind". A completely different mindset than any of the aforementioned, yet at the same time, a very unique, and quite proud part of the United States of America.

A very happy 4th of July to all, from The Conch Republic!!!

One of the people I admire the most here in The Conch Republic, is the Secretary General of the Conch Republic himself, Sir Peter Anderson. Sir Peter, over twenty some odd years, has always been promoting The Conch Republic, both here and abroad. As our economy revolves around tourism, naturally he’s been immensely strong in this category. However, he’s also been a pillar in local community services over the years as well.

Sir Peter possesses the very rare quality of being an intellectual, with both a sense of humor, as well as common sense. In this day and age… or any other, for that matter, how rare is that?

Sir Peter’s says the Conch Republic is a “Sovereign State of Mind”. ”. Certainly I wouldn’t argue that, as it grants those not fortunate enough to live here,the freedom to call themselves citizens of The Conch Republic.

Myself, I also like physical boundaries. From my standpoint, everything Sir Peter Anderson states is wonderful, albeit, I like the physical aspect as well. Back a few years ago, Sir Peter flew to Fort Jefferson, in the Dry Tortugas, to quell a misunderstanding, so I consider that the beginning of the geographical western boundary of the Conch Republic. Continuing east, it picks up the Marquesas Keys, about thirty miles west of Key West and on through the Keys and up to The Last Chance Saloon, at the end of the eighteen mile stretch, in Florida City. This has always been the northern border, as this was where the original road block was set up that started the Conch secession to begin with. Naturally it also includes all of the islands in the Florida Bay, including Dildo Key, which lies six miles S.S/E of Flamingo. I mean… how could it not ?

Dealing with the public, both tourists and locals on a day-to-day basis, I’ll often pose the question “Well, you know you’re in a different country, right?”. I have yet to have anyone dispute the question. Sometimes it’s enlightenment. “Huh?…. Wow. You know? You’re right?”. Other times it’s reinforcement. “You’re not kidding!” or “Oh! Absolutely!”. To date, I’ve never had anyone say “Oh you’re nuts! This is the Unites States and nothing else!”

The Conch Republic is a state of mind, as Sir Peter says. Yet, it is a very different state of mind than one finds on the mainland. As all seem to agree, it’s a country unto itself. On the other hand, we’re all true Americans through and through. The Conch Republic is a country within a country. It’s also a country within a state. I had a customer off the cuff say “Well, from here we’re heading up to Florida”. The subject of the Conch Republic never rose prior to this, nor was it ever mentioned by name.

On the one hand, somehow I think that The Conch Republic could be used by the USA as a great go-between in international diplomatic sticky points. A non-official mouth they could speak through to work out issues. On the flip side, so few up there know how to laugh, they would most likely bring more condos, wreck the town totally, and push forward a mainland mentality. Nah, they'll just fuck it up. Maybe we should just leave it just exactly as it is…

Long live the Conch Republic and God bless it's boundaries, both in the physical sense and the State of Mind. :-)

Durf, Gary Ek, Dan Simpson, KONKAM, Walfrido

Well, this week was Durf's X-Cellent Artprize Adventure fundraiser held over at Harpoon Harry's on Wednesday. For those not familiar with Durf, he is a solar artist based in Key West. Okay, so your next question is "What is a solar artist?" right? Well, what Durf does is hang out in the sun with a piece of plywood and a magnifying glass. From the rays of the sun, via the magnifying glass he burns the image into the wood. It's quite remarkable. Doesn't take but a second either. Durf even lights his cigarettes with the damn glass!

So, in effort to help spread the word, I posted notifications on my Facebook page and stated it was held at Harpoon Harry's, The Blue Bird Cafe of Key West. This is the truth. Every Monday night, the open-mic draws songwriters, both local and from afar. It's not exclusive to songwriters by any stretch, but every Monday songwriters congregate there and play their songs. So, I just came up with the moniker of The Blue Bird Cafe of Key West, in a salute to the Blue Bird in Nashville. Imagine my surprise when I got there for Durf's event and the manager (and excellent songwriter) Dave Aaron is wearing a Blue Bird Cafe T-shirt!

Durf's event went very well. A good turnout by a lot of fans and players. Durf's off to Michigan for a few months and it looks like he may have another Artprize Adventure on his return! Can't wait!

Walfrido, the amazing artist out of Hawaii, once again is visiting Key West at the small Wyland Gallery at 102 Duval St. for the Memorial Day Weekend. Be sure to stop by and say "HEY"!!!

On Friday night it was Gary W. Ek's birthday party which started at 10pm. The party was peppered with food, Yuengling on ice, and Mt. Gay Rum. A great time was had at Gary's new location with his new girl Sherrie. All sorts of people showed up from Gary's Key West based internet radio station, http://keywestshow.com and http://soutthernmostmedia.com as well as Sherrie's day gig at Southernmost Tattoo http://www.thesouthernmosttattoo.com/ where she's the office manager. A great time was had by all!

Before Gary's party or Durf's Artprize event, I had the honor of being a guest at local Key West radio station KONKAM http://www.konkam.com/ as a songwriter. Thanks to Deedee Infinitee and owner Guy DeBoer. Had a fun time there and with my up coming album expected to be recorded with Dan Simpson's Private Ear Studios this summer, it was the perfect primer to get that engine started. http://privateearstudio.com/ Dan Simpson is a great guy and is a joy to work with. I'm excited!

Alcohol libation of the blog would have to be The Doctor Shot of Mt. Gay in a shot glass stethoscope!!!!

Cheers!

The Speakeasy Inn

Well, this week seemed to focus somehow around The Speakeasy Inn on 1117 Duval St. for me. I say somehow because I’d never been there before and by spontaneous draw, on a whim, I thought it was high time I checked out the Rum Bar, which is in The Speakeasy Inn’s first floor. Being a Rum Bar (they have everything else however) I tried a rum I’ve never had before, Zacapa, from Guatemala. Indeed, a beautiful, top-flight rum! Highly recommended. I had it on the rocks with a slice of lime. Perfect!

After I was there for a few minutes, a couple from Orlando came in and sat next to me at the bar, Will and Jenna, a fun couple in for a few days. This is one of the fun things about living in a tourist town. New people are consistently flowing through and everyone has it on their mind to have a great time. I mean, who wants to go on vacation and complain? Seriously. Will and Jenna were no exception to this rule and were a very fun couple to hang out with.

Then, as it turned out, a guy shows up at the bar that they had traveled to Dublin, Ireland with previously. No planning of this rendezvous, it just happened! Welcome to Key West, where stuff like this happens all the time.

There was a marathon this last weekend from Marathon (no pun intended) to Mallory Square, in Key West. That’s 50 miles! My facebook friend, Chuck Hargrove, out of Nashville, is a marathoner and a long-time fan of the island, ran in it. As it turned out, he was staying a block away from me at… you guessed it, The Speakeasy Inn! I met with him and his friends over at Blue Heaven for lunch on Tuesday. His friends were J.P., Nancy, and Holland, all from the Nashville area. Had a great lunch at Blue Heaven, Jerk Chicken and a Southernmost Wheat Beer(s) while enjoying Nashvillians for the second time in a few weeks! Later, I again met Chuck at The Speakeasy Inn, in the bar…. The second time in less than a week I was there, having never been there before. Nice, cozy little bar. Seating maybe ten at the bar, with a few side tables. Recommended!

Well, yesterday the city overwhelmingly approved to allow dogs in open air restaurants! It still must have a second public reading, before being ratified. The Citizen didn’t say when that would be however. No doubt, all the fans of Schooner Wharf Bar are happy today, but will be jumping for joy after the second public reading.

Our beer for the day is “Native Lager”. A very nice all malt beer from Ft. Lauderdale! A very nice medium body beer with a refreshing and quick finish. Great beer for a tropical climate.

The only way to get around Key West sanely, is by bike. Cars are way too much of a pain in the ass to park, pay meters, and subsequent tickets. Bikes are the only way to go. Gives you exorcise, no pollution, and with baskets, you're all set!

Having said that, we do have some fantastic cars both visiting and residing here. Today's Key West Car of the Week is a 1966 Chevy Impala Convertible SS396! Hello!

A rainy day here in Key West today… hummmm… sounds like a good day to walk over to The Speakeasy Inn and enjoy a rum at happy hour…. They have a Real Estate sign on it too. What a fantastic opportunity.

All The Best From Key West!!!

Chris

Key West Songwriters Festival 2010

The Key West Songwriter’s Festival celebrated its 15th year last week and what a great event it was. For those unfamiliar, so many of the songs we hear, are not written by the performers who make them famous. Let’s take “Angel From Montgomery” as an example. When mentioned, the average Joe on the street knows it as a Bonnie Raitt song. John Prine in fact, wrote the song. Up in Nashville there is a very big demand for songwriters. Music row is always looking for a song that will fit an artist and that’s where the… pardon the pun, but it’s irresistible.. un-sung hero’s come into play. J Well, this year those songwriters headed to Key West for their annual pilgrimage where they are showcased. Over 100 came and performed at various venues about town from April 28th through May 2nd. As always, sponsored by BMI. In addition, this year carried associate sponsorship from the Better Angles Publishing Group, as well as Muzak Heart and Soul.

Performances went on all over town from established venues such as The Hog’s Breath Saloon, The Green Parrot, Sloppy Joe’s, San Carlos Theater, to cruises on sailing ships and outdoor venues such as The Southernmost hotel group.

Naturally, with all going on, being able to catch everything is just flat out impossible, as may events are going on simultaneously. Of the events I caught, I liked the Robert Earl Keen show at The Green Parrot quite a lot. Earthy, gritty, and fun! I must say however, that I really liked the outside events a lot as well. The Southernmost Hotel poolside event on Saturday may very well have been my favorite of all. The highlight of the event that day, and perhaps the whole event itself, was Misty Loggins. Misty plays not only from the heart, but also with true fortitude. Not only does she write a great song, but she can make her Taylor sing, on her quiet ballads, yet growl, and snarl with emotion on her more earthy songs, like “Red Georgia Mud”. Keep an eye on this woman. She’s the real deal.

One spot that’s a great place to go late night is The Bottle Cap Lounge during the Songwriter’s Festival. So many of the performers come here for the “ASCAP Late Night Hang”. I was there on Saturday night and it was a virtual open-mic for performers in the overall event. Kudos to ASCAP as it didn’t matter if the performers were ASCAP or BMI writers, they had them all up for two or three songs each. What a great event this was! So many folks got to play in an atmosphere of true friendship. One performer would be playing and, out of the blue, call up a friend in the crowd to help them out on the next song. Even the ASCAP rep who was running the event at the Bottle Cap, got up and sang with one of the regular performers! This was FUN!!! It went on and on like this all night long. All of the performers let their hair down to the point that the ASCAP host got on the mic and asked the locals if this was the wildest thing we’ve ever seen. While it’s clear that he may never have been here for Fantasy Fest, the ASCAP event at The Bottle Cap was clearly a wild event music-wise. A truly fantastic time was had by all and experience I’ll never forget! I only live two blocks from The Bottle Cap Lounge, so heading home was easy to put off! However, I did so at 4:10 am and the place was still packed.

One funny thing was almost at every event I attended; you’d hear a performer or three say something like: “Yeah! It’s good to be here in the Southern most part of the South”
It inspired me, as a songwriter myself, Key West resident, and sworn in Conch Republic citizen, a to write a new song, albeit a bit tongue-in-cheek of course, living up to my Conch Republic oath, “The South, is North Of Here” J

The sad part of the Key West Songwriters Festival 2010 was the severe flooding Nashville went through and what so many of these folks who came down here from there, were heading back to on Monday. Our hearts go out to you and we wish you all the best of fortunes in the aftermath of this national disaster. First and foremost we wish you safety to y’all and your families and likewise to your homes and possessions. Thank you for coming to Key West to share your wonderful talents with us. We’re thinking and praying for you.


“All The Best From Key West!”

Misty Loggins, below, playing her song “Red Georgia Mud” at the ASCAP Late Night Hang at the Bottle Cap Lounge, Saturday night.

Conch Republic Independence Week, USCG, Fried Phone

My phone fried itself. The AT&T Blackberry was under warranty, however AT&T were happier using the $50.00 deductible and charging me the fifty clams on the insurance. The charger input was rusted, although the AT&T store verified it had never been underwater. Hey! I live on an island in the Gulf Stream. Lots of salt in the air and things with electrical connections rust quite easily here. Don’t believe me? Just as Dan Simpson of Private Ear Studios who is religious about treating audio connections with an elixir-spray that prevents corrosion. Dan’s been here 25 years dealing with it, he knows. Knucklehead me, it never occurred that I should use it on my phone. Personally, I feel it’s a design flaw making it out of a metal that will rust, in an atmosphere such as the one we live in here in Key West. AT&T feel differently. Live and learn. Contract is up in fourteen months.

Key West imbibes in more alcohol per capita than any other city in both the Conch Republic and yes, the U.S.A. It’s funny. When I first moved here and got a job, instead of the early morning gab around the coffee machine regarding the ball game the previous night, here it was what bars were hit and the escapades that went on! “Oh man! We hit Willie T’s and I was doing shooters of Jaeger! Then we went to Cowboy Bill’s and there I started with Gossling’s and cola…. This guy comes up to me and I tell him ‘I OWN this town!!!! Then we ended up at Island Dogs where I switched to Mount Gay Rum and we met this guy from Chicago. I swear he must have been in the Mafia….” On a typical morning, that’s what I’d hear when I got in.

Michael McCloud’s “The Conch Republic Song”, which is the National Anthem of the Conch Republic, states speaking of Key West “… where the ladies are lovely and drinking’s considered a sport…”. This statement couldn’t ring more true, in this town. In other places it may be something approaching a taboo to speak about, however in Key West it’s the fuel that drives the economy. I’ve heard that there are 300 liquor licenses on this little two-mile by five-mile island. The Wine/Beer and Liquor trucks heading here from the mainland weigh more than the trucks hauling gasoline here, which are limited to ¾ full, because of weight on the bridges, hence our higher gas prices. Bar alcohol gets cart blanche however.

Because of this, this blog will, from this point onward, have a libation featured!!! Tonight’s feature is Hurricane Reef Pale Ale. Hurricane Reef Pale Ale is a very palatable ale indeed. 100% Barley with Cascade hops from the Pacific Northwest, it’s a full American Ale, with a good body for the Spring weather we’re having currently….

Nights, low 70’s, days low 80’s, and there’s always a breeze. Perfect! The best time of year… perhaps!


Conch Republic Independence Days are at hand! On April 23rd, 1982 the Conch Republic seceded from the United States and the celebration continues to this day. This years events ran from April 16th through the 25th. Sir Peter Anderson, Secretary General of The Conch Republic, is at the helm of the event, as always. Events ranging from “Drag Races”, in which drag queens, in full regalia, run through obstacle courses, all run for the charity benefit of Helpline. Also, there’s the Conch Republic investiture party for the benefit of the Conch Republic Foster Children’s Fund. Pet Strolls benefits the Xena Fund. There’s also a bed race, sponsored by the Fairvilla Megastore. A Parade as well, naturally! With a multi day event, how could they not have a parade? A seven-foot Key Lime Pie in Mallory Square!!! The list went on and on.

Without doubt, in their finest moment, the Conch Republic Navy went into battle against the U.S. Coast Guard Cutter Sawfish. The Schooner “Wolf”, carrying the Admiral’s Flag of The Conch Republic’s Admiral Finbar, who participated in the original insurrection, 28 years ago, commanded the naval operations. The Wolf, along with John McKean’s Appledore Schooner and several other vessels of the Conch Republic Navy, in addition to the land based Army artillery section, plus a true squadron of Conch Republic aircraft from the Conch Republic Air Force, all took part. Weapons of choice were water balloons, toilet paper, and water cannon. Although it appeared that the Sawfish had The Conch Republic Nave entirely lathered with their water cannon, later at Schooner Wharf the commander of the vessel surrendered his sword to Admiral Finbar and was subsequently conscripted into the Conch Republic Navy, crew and all. A hilarious speech was given by the Coast Guard commander, which had the entire bar in stitches and really imbibed the spirit of Key West and the Conch Republic. Videos below! Who would have believed a commander in the USCG would have such a great sense of humor? Long live the USCG! Long Live the Conch Republic!

Big thanks to Sir Peter for anchoring the event, with a ton of help from lots of businesses and citizens in the community! Thanks to all!

“All The Best From Key West”©

Chris “Boris” Rehm

NAS Air Show, El Alamo, Still no dogs at Schooner Wharf

Over the weekend the Key West Naval Air Station, located on Boca Chica Key, just a few miles and two keys up from Key West, hosted their annual Air Show last weekend. What a great show it was as well! F/A 18’s, F16’s, Fat Albert, C117, P51 Mustang, Corsair, T6, …. The list goes on….. oh yeah… The Blue Angles as well! What a great show it was. A day full of adrenalin surges as the jets and planes zipped by. The most emotional for me was the fly by of the current USAF F16 flying wing to wing with the Army Air Corps P51 Mustang of WWII (The USAF was not formed until after WWII). The most thrilling was the Blue Angles. However, the scale of excitement for the entire day was never below an 8.5 on a scale of 10 the entire day, regardless of what was happening at any given time. Hats off and a salute to the Key West Naval Air Station, for extending their hospitality to the public for the weekend!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FO-lxauD5pA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7k3EfCbcFZI

Meanwhile, back on Duval, it seems that Five Dollar Stores are ramped. Barkers with heavy Israeli accents, stand outside the stores all day long hollering “Evey ting in da store fy dolla”. Speculation on the streets suggest all of these stores are tax write offs for their Israeli owners, who send their kids here to run them, in lew of military service back home. Other’s say they are laundering operations. Who knows if any of this is the case or not, however? Outside 109 Duval, once a bar that Jimmy Buffett cut his teeth on before he became famous, today the Five Dollar Store, an early twenty something barker with a contemporary pork pie hat, suddenly breaks into a silly dance after he does his accented “fy dolla” cry. His friend with him gives him a hi five, as they are trying to impress a passing gaggle of American Beauties. The girls look at them awkwardly, until one says he looks like a complete jackass. They all screech into laughter as they continue down the street. Suddenly, the sound of a radial engine bi-plane distracts the attention on Duval, as a symbol from a by gone era gently floats by in the sky and all is good on the streets of Key West.

Sat in with Bobby D. and Sampson, of Cool Breeze at Robert Douglas’ open Blues jam at El Alamo, Monday evening. Had a blast! Jim Clark was on drums and an unknown harp player sat in as well. It was a lot like being chauffeured around in a limo with those guys! Everything just seemed to care of itself. Nice! Damn good to play electric again too. Big thanks to Frances Lynn Sally Galbraith for taking the great picture as well!

Schooner Wharf still is being pressured by the city, not to allow dogs in. I wrote a letter to The Citizen (the local paper) about it, however they didn’t publish it. The State of Florida has a provision saying that local government may over-ride the state law, which says dogs are not allowed in eating establishments. Like Michael McCloud asked on stage, if those of us with dogs in our homes don’t have any problems, why would things change in an out side eating establishment like Schooner Wharf Bar? I fully concur. Having dogs in bars has been an age-old tradition in the Keys. Who’s the Einstein that’s decided to subject Schooner Wharf Bar to mainland mentality? Who ever it is, they should move back to the mainland and good riddance to them. The question should be left to the policy of the bar/restaurant itself, not some jerk that wants to take the Keys out of the Keys. Next thing you know they’ll want to tear down The Key West Customs House so they can build a high-rise condominium, or perhaps move historic Clinton Square itself in the name of “Progress”. Thinking like this belongs on the mainland, thank you very much… and don’t let the door hit you in the ass when you leave.


All The Best From Key West!