Key West Crime Reports :-)

The Citizen, the local Key West paper, everyday carries a daily piece called “ Crime Report”. Often there are serious crimes reported, however often there hilarious crimes they post as well. I guess about a year back they decided they would pull the Crime Report from the paper. The uproar it created was deafening and they put it right back in. Below are some recent Crime Reports, which are a shining example of how entertaining it can actually be.

Man says facial tissues moved during 'burglary'

KEY WEST -- A man told police early Thursday morning that another man broke into his apartment and rearranged his tissues.
The 51-year-old man told officers around midnight that another man who lives in the same building tore a small hole in one tissue and wrinkled a corner of another tissue, and this was evidence of a burglary, reports say.
The officers found no signs of forced entry and no evidence that a crime occurred, but they noted in reports that "this has been an ongoing issue between these two for several years, according to past calls."
One-sided fight
KEY WEST -- A drunk man allegedly punched and kicked a pickup truck parked at Casa Marina Resort early Friday morning, causing $1,500 in damage, reports say.
Officers found the "very intoxicated" suspect walking near Alberta and Waddell streets, reports say. The man told them he was a guest at the resort and that he "drank too much alcohol and was stupid," reports say.
He was charged with misdemeanor criminal mischief and booked into jail.


Police fish drunken man out of the drink

KEY WEST -- Police had to fish a drunken man out of the water Tuesday evening after he reportedly fell into the drink while arguing with another customer at a bar.
There were no injuries and no arrests.
Officers reportedly arrived at the Conch Republic Seafood Co. at 7:35 p.m. to find the 49-year-old Key West man treading water in Key West Bight.
A manager at the bar/restaurant helped the officers throw out a life ring and pull the man ashore, reports say.
As soon as the man was on land, he allegedly started complaining about multiple past injuries, ranging from a hernia to a broken neck, and listed a litany of lawsuits he supposedly was filing.
Officers asked him what happened, but the man reportedly just "kept repeating that his margarita was still at the bar."
He allegedly refused medical attention, saying he would "wait until he hurt more tomorrow before going to the hospital," reports say.
Finally, the man reportedly told officers that a manager had walked out of the bar, swore at him and then pushed him in the water.
But another manager reportedly had seen the man arguing with another customer near the water.
Unable to get a description of a suspect, police issued the man a case number and told him the report would be available at police headquarters.
Reports did not indicate if he was able to finish his margarita.


And finally for today, while shopping in the famous Fausto's market on Flemming St. I came across Fuki, makers of Japanese Plum wine and Sake. I mean, how could I pass that up?

I just couldn't help but hear in my brain "You want Fuki Fuki?"